Friday, October 20, 2006
Language misunderstanding…(?)
A few days ago I went into town to do some grocery shopping with two African men from the museum who do not speak much English. The three of us had to crowd into the front cab of a pick-up truck. One of the guys who is about my age sat in the drivers seat, and I tried to squeeze in the middle so that the other, much older gentleman would not be squished between us. As I was folding myself in he said, “I am small so I will sit in the middle.” “Ok,” I replied jokingly, “my bottom is too big.” He replied gravely, “Yes, I see.”
Thursday, October 19, 2006
From a friend in Africa
In a restaurant in Zambia: “Open seven days a week and weekends”
On the grounds of a private school in South Africa: “No trespassing without permission”
On a window of a Nigerian shop: “Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?”
On a poster in Ghana: “Are you an adult who cannot read? If so, we can help.”
In a Zimbabwean restaurant: “Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.”
A sign seen on a hand dryer in a Lesotho public toilet: “Risk of electric shock – Do not activate with wet hands.”
On one of the buildings of a Sierra Leone hospital: “Mental Health Prevention Centre”
In a maternity ward of a clinic in Tanzania: “No children allowed”
In a cemetery in Uganda: “Visitors are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves”
A sign posted in an Algerian tourist camping park: “It is strictly forbidden on our camping site that people of different sex, for instance a man and woman, live together in one tent unless they are married to each other for that purpose.”
In a Namibian nightclub: “Ladies are not allowed to have children in the bar”
On the grounds of a private school in South Africa: “No trespassing without permission”
On a window of a Nigerian shop: “Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?”
On a poster in Ghana: “Are you an adult who cannot read? If so, we can help.”
In a Zimbabwean restaurant: “Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.”
A sign seen on a hand dryer in a Lesotho public toilet: “Risk of electric shock – Do not activate with wet hands.”
On one of the buildings of a Sierra Leone hospital: “Mental Health Prevention Centre”
In a maternity ward of a clinic in Tanzania: “No children allowed”
In a cemetery in Uganda: “Visitors are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves”
A sign posted in an Algerian tourist camping park: “It is strictly forbidden on our camping site that people of different sex, for instance a man and woman, live together in one tent unless they are married to each other for that purpose.”
In a Namibian nightclub: “Ladies are not allowed to have children in the bar”
Middle of nowhere
“We can arrange that you stay at Florisbad from 5-20 Oct…I’ll get you a hut ready where you can work.”
This was the only information I had received about Florisbad (a research station 45km outside of Bloemfontein) from the researcher I am working with. I had met him when I was in South Africa last year, and he is a very nice, very brilliant guy but super absent-minded and very bad about communicating via email. So I had really no idea what to expect in Florisbad. Would my hut have electricity so I could work on my laptop? That was really my main concern, because how else was I going to get any work done for two weeks?
Well, I am definitely in the middle of nowhere staying in a hut, but the middle of nowhere, South Africa is beautiful. My hut has a gorgeous, unobstructed view of the African savanna… definitely an inspiring place to work on a dissertation on the paleoecology of Africa. And I have electricity. And hot running water for the shower! And a dial-up internet connection!!!!
I’ve also encountered the most disgusting bugs I’ve ever seen in my life. They look like inch-long worms, but they fly. And land all over the place – the table, your computer, your shoulder. Eeecchhh.
This was the only information I had received about Florisbad (a research station 45km outside of Bloemfontein) from the researcher I am working with. I had met him when I was in South Africa last year, and he is a very nice, very brilliant guy but super absent-minded and very bad about communicating via email. So I had really no idea what to expect in Florisbad. Would my hut have electricity so I could work on my laptop? That was really my main concern, because how else was I going to get any work done for two weeks?
Well, I am definitely in the middle of nowhere staying in a hut, but the middle of nowhere, South Africa is beautiful. My hut has a gorgeous, unobstructed view of the African savanna… definitely an inspiring place to work on a dissertation on the paleoecology of Africa. And I have electricity. And hot running water for the shower! And a dial-up internet connection!!!!
I’ve also encountered the most disgusting bugs I’ve ever seen in my life. They look like inch-long worms, but they fly. And land all over the place – the table, your computer, your shoulder. Eeecchhh.
Things Just Don’t Make Sense Part 2
I’ve been working at the University of Wits in Joberg looking at some fossil collections under the guidance of an archaeologist there. The first day I went to the University I got a ride with people from my hotel who were going to the university as well. I met with the archaeology prof, looked at the collections, had lunch with the grad students, and left around 3 to check out a new museum that had just opened on campus called the Origins Centre. I left the museum around five, and was trying to figure out a place where I could get a taxi back to my hotel when I realized I could not get out of the campus. First of all, it’s huge, and second of all, it’s surrounded by a gate. I went back to the department but everyone had left for the day.
I wandered around campus, trying to find an exit, when I came upon a gate where cars where going through. For pedestrians trying to get OUT of the campus, there is a door in the metal gate where they swipe their ID cards and it opens. I explained to the guards that I did not have a card since I was only visiting for a few days, and they told me I had to go to the ‘Senate House’ to get a card (at this point it’s about 6pm). I explained again that I just wanted to get OUT of the university and could they please open the gate for me. They replied that the exit was for cars only and so that as a pedestrian, I could not go through. They said that I could shout across the gate for a taxi and then the taxi could come in, pick me up, and I could exit the university in the taxi. I refused to go along with this ridiculous plan and was ready to make a run for it the next time the gate opened for a car. The security guard then suggested that I get into the car of someone leaving the university, pass through the gate in the car, and then they could drop me off on the other side of the gate. Which I did. Aarrrgh.
I wandered around campus, trying to find an exit, when I came upon a gate where cars where going through. For pedestrians trying to get OUT of the campus, there is a door in the metal gate where they swipe their ID cards and it opens. I explained to the guards that I did not have a card since I was only visiting for a few days, and they told me I had to go to the ‘Senate House’ to get a card (at this point it’s about 6pm). I explained again that I just wanted to get OUT of the university and could they please open the gate for me. They replied that the exit was for cars only and so that as a pedestrian, I could not go through. They said that I could shout across the gate for a taxi and then the taxi could come in, pick me up, and I could exit the university in the taxi. I refused to go along with this ridiculous plan and was ready to make a run for it the next time the gate opened for a car. The security guard then suggested that I get into the car of someone leaving the university, pass through the gate in the car, and then they could drop me off on the other side of the gate. Which I did. Aarrrgh.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Heavy
This morning I took a break from looking at fossils and went to the apartheid museum. It’s one of the best museums I’ve ever been to. It explains the history of European settlement in South Africa, the development of Johannesburg, and events that led up to apartheid. There were some pretty shocking pictures and exhibits depicting the horrific conditions that ‘colourds’ had to live in while whites in the country were prospering. My favorite quote from the museum: ‘When racism wins, everyone loses.’
The exhibit ends with a feel-good display showing Mandela, free elections, getting ready for the 2010 World Cup, how great South Africa has become, etc. Then I walked outside and was hit with the reality of Joberg today: blacks and whites who don’t make eye-contact as they pass each other on the sidewalk (much less say hello) and, pretty uniformly, black people working as waiters, cooks, taxi drivers, garbage collectors, newspaper vendors, street cleaners, baby-sitters, security guards, maids, gardeners, etc. for the white people.
I’ve also noticed, especially when traveling and my temper is shorter, it’s so easy to call people names in my head based on their age, sex, ethnicity, education level, language spoken, whatever. I find myself doing this when I get frustrated, and my mind reacts by putting that person down. What’s interesting to me is that I’ll label them in a way that they are different from me. For example: that person is so old, which is why they’re being slow and holding me up. Or, that person doesn’t have much education, so that is why they’re making this situation difficult when it could be so simple. In yoga we strive to see Atman, or the universal spirit, or God or whatever you want to call it in everyone. At the end of class we say Namaste, which means ‘the divine spirit in me recognizes the divine spirit in you’. The ‘goal’ of yoga is to see that we are all one, instead of seeing ourselves as individuals who have separate identities from other people. I can see what harm this concept of the individual, or ego, can cause – when you see other people as distinct entities from you, then it’s easy to treat them badly, act in a derogatory manner, see them as less than human and as unequal to you. No wonder that the world has such a history of treating other human beings so badly.
In Berlin I went to some museums about the history of the city, especially dealing with the rise of Hitler, WWII, and conditions under the communists and the construction of the Berlin Wall. I think I’ve been to the two most depressing cities in the world in the past two weeks, unless I stop by Hiroshima on the way home.
The exhibit ends with a feel-good display showing Mandela, free elections, getting ready for the 2010 World Cup, how great South Africa has become, etc. Then I walked outside and was hit with the reality of Joberg today: blacks and whites who don’t make eye-contact as they pass each other on the sidewalk (much less say hello) and, pretty uniformly, black people working as waiters, cooks, taxi drivers, garbage collectors, newspaper vendors, street cleaners, baby-sitters, security guards, maids, gardeners, etc. for the white people.
I’ve also noticed, especially when traveling and my temper is shorter, it’s so easy to call people names in my head based on their age, sex, ethnicity, education level, language spoken, whatever. I find myself doing this when I get frustrated, and my mind reacts by putting that person down. What’s interesting to me is that I’ll label them in a way that they are different from me. For example: that person is so old, which is why they’re being slow and holding me up. Or, that person doesn’t have much education, so that is why they’re making this situation difficult when it could be so simple. In yoga we strive to see Atman, or the universal spirit, or God or whatever you want to call it in everyone. At the end of class we say Namaste, which means ‘the divine spirit in me recognizes the divine spirit in you’. The ‘goal’ of yoga is to see that we are all one, instead of seeing ourselves as individuals who have separate identities from other people. I can see what harm this concept of the individual, or ego, can cause – when you see other people as distinct entities from you, then it’s easy to treat them badly, act in a derogatory manner, see them as less than human and as unequal to you. No wonder that the world has such a history of treating other human beings so badly.
In Berlin I went to some museums about the history of the city, especially dealing with the rise of Hitler, WWII, and conditions under the communists and the construction of the Berlin Wall. I think I’ve been to the two most depressing cities in the world in the past two weeks, unless I stop by Hiroshima on the way home.
Things in Africa Just Don’t Make Sense
Sometimes I’ll tell people that Things in Africa Just Don’t Make Sense, but it’s hard to come up with a specific example. This little incident on my way to Johannesburg is a perfect way to express the aforementioned statement.
Although I have quite a bit of luggage between my camping gear, books, clothes, etc. it’s nothing extravagant since I have to carry everything myself, and it’s certainly not more than what I’ve traveled with in the past. As I was checking in on my South African Airways flight, I was told that I could only have 20 kg worth of check-in baggage (which is essentially the weight of my backpack filled with books and papers). I’ve never heard of this restriction before, and when I demanded to see this in writing, I was told that oh, after all, I was allowed to have two pieces of luggage, each weighing a max of 20kg. My first check-in bag was an enormous duffle bag that weighs next to nothing, because it has my sleeping bag and sleeping pad, pillow, towel, etc. My next check-in piece was my suitcase, which is pretty heavy and checked in at 23kg. I was then told that I would have to pay a supplement for excess weight as the suitcase was three kilograms over the allotted 20kg per bag. When I pointed out that my previous bag had only weighed six kilos, and that combined with my suitcase I was well under the allotted amount of 40kg, this failed to make an impression on the lady who told me that I would still have to pay a supplement because my suitcase was three kilos over the allotted weight. Our heated discussion caught the attention of a supervisor, and I told him my reasoning along with the fact that I could have just taken out 3kg worth of stuff from my suitcase and exchanged this with stuff from the duffle bag. However, the duffle bag had already been sent down the conveyer belt and the woman said this would have been impossible anyway since the duffle bag was packed to the brim (not understanding that the whole point was to EXCHAGNGE stuff from the two bags, not simply add to the duffle bag).
After much discussion and time spent holding up the line, my bags went through and I didn’t have to pay any fees. Can’t wait to see what else will come up on this trip.
Although I have quite a bit of luggage between my camping gear, books, clothes, etc. it’s nothing extravagant since I have to carry everything myself, and it’s certainly not more than what I’ve traveled with in the past. As I was checking in on my South African Airways flight, I was told that I could only have 20 kg worth of check-in baggage (which is essentially the weight of my backpack filled with books and papers). I’ve never heard of this restriction before, and when I demanded to see this in writing, I was told that oh, after all, I was allowed to have two pieces of luggage, each weighing a max of 20kg. My first check-in bag was an enormous duffle bag that weighs next to nothing, because it has my sleeping bag and sleeping pad, pillow, towel, etc. My next check-in piece was my suitcase, which is pretty heavy and checked in at 23kg. I was then told that I would have to pay a supplement for excess weight as the suitcase was three kilograms over the allotted 20kg per bag. When I pointed out that my previous bag had only weighed six kilos, and that combined with my suitcase I was well under the allotted amount of 40kg, this failed to make an impression on the lady who told me that I would still have to pay a supplement because my suitcase was three kilos over the allotted weight. Our heated discussion caught the attention of a supervisor, and I told him my reasoning along with the fact that I could have just taken out 3kg worth of stuff from my suitcase and exchanged this with stuff from the duffle bag. However, the duffle bag had already been sent down the conveyer belt and the woman said this would have been impossible anyway since the duffle bag was packed to the brim (not understanding that the whole point was to EXCHAGNGE stuff from the two bags, not simply add to the duffle bag).
After much discussion and time spent holding up the line, my bags went through and I didn’t have to pay any fees. Can’t wait to see what else will come up on this trip.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
McGrumpy
I am a little cranky today because 1) I am severely hung-over and 2) the faunal collection I’m here to study sucks. I'll explain both. Regarding #1, I am staying with friends of the boyfriend of a national geographic intern who I met over the summer. Her bf is British and from London, and it turns out that they are in the right now staying with his mom. But, they have been gone the past few days camping so they asked some of his friends if I could crash at their place. Not only is this incredibly nice and generous of everybody all around, but to top things off 1) I am staying in a guestroom! with a bed! (I was expecting to sleep on the couch) and 2) the boys are hot! HOT! HOT!!! Last night they made dinner and I drank a ridiculous amount of alcohol and stumbled into bed really late. Today was my first day at the museum...ugh.
Regarding the fauna, it’s not a great collection. Less than 200 specimens, and mostly teeth and antelope horn cores, so doing a taphonomic study to look for tooth marks/cut marks on bones will be kind of useless. And, I just found out, this is only a PART of the faunal collection: other specimens are in Zambia and some are also in South Africa. And apparently most of the bones that were excavated have been lost. WHY did I need to come all the way to London to find this out? well, at least I am staying with a couple of hotties so all in all it is not a bad situation.
Regarding the fauna, it’s not a great collection. Less than 200 specimens, and mostly teeth and antelope horn cores, so doing a taphonomic study to look for tooth marks/cut marks on bones will be kind of useless. And, I just found out, this is only a PART of the faunal collection: other specimens are in Zambia and some are also in South Africa. And apparently most of the bones that were excavated have been lost. WHY did I need to come all the way to London to find this out? well, at least I am staying with a couple of hotties so all in all it is not a bad situation.
Ich liebe Berlin
Just got back from Berlin where I had a GREAT visit. I have to say I did not have high hopes for the city after all of the trouble I had getting my trip together (in addition to the headache of finding a hotel, I had to go to Germany TWICE to pick up my train ticket – not such a big deal since Strasbourg is so close to the border, but the second time was at 6am the day of my trip to Berlin). Also, French people, at least in Alsace, tend to look down on Germany and Germans, so I’ve never had a great impression of the country. And I’ve always been a little afraid of the language - seems that they smash all sorts of words together and leave out all the vowels, making it near impossible to read, pronounce or understand. I was considering canceling my trip all together but the fact that GW was paying for my train ticket to Berlin kept me going.
A few of the reasons I now love Berlin: The weather – it was sunny and beautiful the whole time I was there. My hostel – right across from the Zoologischer Garten train station of U2’s ‘Zoo Station’ fame. The many varieties of beer – served in huge glasses! Seeing remnants of the former wall that divided the city. Walking through the Tiergarten, which is Berlin’s version of Central Park. The amazingly fast and efficient the metro system. The modern conveniences of an American city combined with the history of a European one. And how is it that I was unaware of the fact that German guys are so good-looking???
The fossil collection I examined at the museum was amazing – 3600 specimens, all beautifully preserved, curated and catalogued. The people at the museum were really friendly, and it’s a wonderful place to work. I’ll be going back there for two months next year to study the fossil assemblage for my dissertation!!!
A few of the reasons I now love Berlin: The weather – it was sunny and beautiful the whole time I was there. My hostel – right across from the Zoologischer Garten train station of U2’s ‘Zoo Station’ fame. The many varieties of beer – served in huge glasses! Seeing remnants of the former wall that divided the city. Walking through the Tiergarten, which is Berlin’s version of Central Park. The amazingly fast and efficient the metro system. The modern conveniences of an American city combined with the history of a European one. And how is it that I was unaware of the fact that German guys are so good-looking???
The fossil collection I examined at the museum was amazing – 3600 specimens, all beautifully preserved, curated and catalogued. The people at the museum were really friendly, and it’s a wonderful place to work. I’ll be going back there for two months next year to study the fossil assemblage for my dissertation!!!
Sunday, September 17, 2006
The joys of single-tasking
When did multi-tasking become so natural that we don’t notice we’re doing it anymore? I was on-line a few days ago for a couple hours, and I could feel my heart starting to beat faster as I was simultaneously responding to emails, purchasing train tickets and posting pictures on my picture blog. After three weeks of glorious single-tasking (entire days spent sitting on the ground and scratching the dirt with a trowel, anyone?), I realized how much of my normal life is NOT spent this way. It’s astounding how easily I fell into multi-tasking and how I could immediately feel and recognize the adverse affects it had on my mind and body.
I’ve always taken great pride in being an effective multi-tasker, but now I’m thinking that this might be part of the reason why I feel like the wheels in my head are always spinning. Often, especially in DC, I get paralyzed by all of the possibilities of what I could/should be doing that my thoughts alone stress me out and I don’t end up doing anything, causing me to put things off until I’ve created a major mental traffic jam.
I once read that when people fantasize about a calmer and more serene life, it’s generally in the context of opening up a B&B in the country or something like that. However, it’s not so much that operating a B&B is attractive in and of itself, but rather we yearn for the luxury of living a slower-paced life and focusing on one task at a time. I, for one, am ready to renounce multi-tasking in exchange for a saner mind. Even if this means getting less done. Will try it out and see how it goes.
I’ve always taken great pride in being an effective multi-tasker, but now I’m thinking that this might be part of the reason why I feel like the wheels in my head are always spinning. Often, especially in DC, I get paralyzed by all of the possibilities of what I could/should be doing that my thoughts alone stress me out and I don’t end up doing anything, causing me to put things off until I’ve created a major mental traffic jam.
I once read that when people fantasize about a calmer and more serene life, it’s generally in the context of opening up a B&B in the country or something like that. However, it’s not so much that operating a B&B is attractive in and of itself, but rather we yearn for the luxury of living a slower-paced life and focusing on one task at a time. I, for one, am ready to renounce multi-tasking in exchange for a saner mind. Even if this means getting less done. Will try it out and see how it goes.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
F***** Marathonstrecke
I’m scheduled to go to Berlin next week and study some fossils for my dissertation. Unbeknownst to me until the past few days, when I was unable to book a single hotel room in the entire German capitol that was recommended by Lonely Planet and cost under 60 euros, the Berlin marathon is taking place next weekend. Am currently looking on-line for hotels. Does anyone happen to have any friends/family in Berlin? I am a very good guest. I have a sleeping bag, mattress pad, and will do dishes and/or light housework.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
‘The only thing constant in the world is change’
My younger cousin Joelle got married over the weekend. The days leading up to the wedding were pretty intense, both in terms of my whole family being in the same house and getting ready for the reception (which was at our house in Dambach) but also because of all the emotions that we, or at least I, were feeling. Joelle and I hung out together in Strasbourg last week and I was hit with this feeling of how profoundly our family dynamics were changing. I feel like a significant part of our childhood is over, those days when we would excitedly tell each other about our crushes and boyfriends and first kisses and break-ups. Now she has that part of her life resolved and has created her own little family unit – it will never just be ‘Joelle’ again but now ‘Joelle and Ben’. Luckily Ben is a terrific guy and fits in well with the family and makes a great additional cousin. So it’s definitely change in a positive direction...and after reflecting, I have to laugh a little about how traumatized I tend to get by any sort of change.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Rouspeter
'rouspeter' is, alas, one of those words that does not have a direct English translation. It's a cross between complaining and whining with a little scolding thrown in for good measure, while conveying an attitude of being highly annoyed. Sometimes I think my mom and her sisters are in a 'rouspeting' contest in which each one is desperately trying to win the gold.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
messy
“all you need to do is quiet your mind long enough to realize that you’re not a mess. you just think you’re a mess”
Darren Main podcast (SF yoga teacher extraordinaire)
I feel messy. I feel crazy. I’m in beautiful France, with my mom to cook and clean and take care of me, so that I can relax and focus and renew and work and do whatever I want. And I’m not doing any of that. Well, that’s not true, there have been moments I’ve been able to exhale completely and feel like I’m getting my om back on but most of the time my head has been spinning. I’ve been sleeping a lot because I don’t want to do anything. I’ve been going for walks and starting to practice yoga again and reading some yogic texts but it’s been hard to latch onto that serenity. Most of the time I just feel like I’m getting swept up in the turbulent waters of life. Maybe it’s the craziness of my family, dealing with each other and the emotions surrounding my cousin’s upcoming wedding and my realization that my life here in France has changed, that my childhood summers with my cousins has passed and that we are all now embarked on our own distinct paths, with our seemingly strongest bond being the common thread from our past holding us together. Maybe it’s dealing with the schizophrenic nature of my life, where I live in a different country with a different home and family and set of friends and experiences and memories and even language that I fall into so easily and is rife with memories and has shaped me but is so different and distant from my life in the US.
Deep breath.
Darren Main podcast (SF yoga teacher extraordinaire)
I feel messy. I feel crazy. I’m in beautiful France, with my mom to cook and clean and take care of me, so that I can relax and focus and renew and work and do whatever I want. And I’m not doing any of that. Well, that’s not true, there have been moments I’ve been able to exhale completely and feel like I’m getting my om back on but most of the time my head has been spinning. I’ve been sleeping a lot because I don’t want to do anything. I’ve been going for walks and starting to practice yoga again and reading some yogic texts but it’s been hard to latch onto that serenity. Most of the time I just feel like I’m getting swept up in the turbulent waters of life. Maybe it’s the craziness of my family, dealing with each other and the emotions surrounding my cousin’s upcoming wedding and my realization that my life here in France has changed, that my childhood summers with my cousins has passed and that we are all now embarked on our own distinct paths, with our seemingly strongest bond being the common thread from our past holding us together. Maybe it’s dealing with the schizophrenic nature of my life, where I live in a different country with a different home and family and set of friends and experiences and memories and even language that I fall into so easily and is rife with memories and has shaped me but is so different and distant from my life in the US.
Deep breath.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Wet dream
I want...
a warm shower. No, a bubble bath. And to be able to wash my hair. And a real bed. And some clean socks. And a protein source other than cheese.
a warm shower. No, a bubble bath. And to be able to wash my hair. And a real bed. And some clean socks. And a protein source other than cheese.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Frenchies
While it’s lovely to dig in France and participate in a French excavation and spend the day talking about archaeology in French, some of the Frenchies and their mannerisms are getting on my nerves. There is one guy in particular that I find especially annoying. He is unfriendly and makes snide comments and never misses an opportunity to say something negative about America (although he has an iPod and drinks Coke and wears Nike’s). I’ve also found that there isn’t a whole lot of communication in my direction, but I’m supposed to pick up on stuff anyway. I find that with my family in France sometimes too – they don’t say anything but you’re just supposed to ‘get stuff’ and I don’t, either because I’m dense but probably because I’m American. Maybe Americans are just used to more direct communication. Some of the discussions we get into about paleoanthropology or archaeology kind of annoy me too – people get very rhetorical and philosophical and seem to look down on me when I talk about real evidence to back up a point. And they smoke and are smelly :(
The only really funny guy here who I had a good time talking with was Argentinean and left yesterday :( But the director of the dig, Francesco, is Italian and just got back from a conference today, so he will mitigate some of the Frenchiness until the excavation is over.
The only really funny guy here who I had a good time talking with was Argentinean and left yesterday :( But the director of the dig, Francesco, is Italian and just got back from a conference today, so he will mitigate some of the Frenchiness until the excavation is over.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
“I’m one stomach flu away from my perfect weight”
The women in The Devil Wears Prada would be jealous because I don’t think I’ve ever lost so much weight in so little time. On my second day here I caught a nasty stomach virus that wiped me out for two days. I spent an entire day and a half sleeping in bed, and another half day washing artifacts and bones at the lab because I wasn’t up for going back to the excavation. Luckily, tomorrow is our day off. What’s hilarious about this is that I’ve never caught anything in Kenya, Ethiopia, or South Africa, but I come to Bordeaux to excavate and get an intestinal virus that knocks me out for two days. Personally, I think that I was so strung out before leaving DC that my body rebelled in a major way as soon as it could get some down time.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
I'm off!!!
Today I'm leaving DC for my three-month whirlwind adventure in Europe and Africa. My itinerary:
Aug 23-Aug 31: Upper Paleolithic excavation with a French team at Angouleme, a town near Bordeaux
Sept 1-20: Vacation in Dambach-la-ville! Will see mom, chill out, and my cousin Joelle is getting married on Sept 9
Sept 20-25: Visit the Museum fuer Naturkunde in Berlin to study fossils (hopefully - am still trying to get this sorted out)
Sept 26-30: London to work at the Natural History Museum to study fossils
Oct 1-5: Johannesburg (University of the Witswatersrand) to study fossils
Oct 6-20: Bloemfontein/Florisbad to study fossils
Oct 21-Nov 21: Middle Stone Age excavation at Mossel Bay (where I was last year)
Nov 22: Return to DC, but will be MIA until Dec 1, when I defend my dissertation proposal
Being an anthropologist is feeling really good right now!!!
Aug 23-Aug 31: Upper Paleolithic excavation with a French team at Angouleme, a town near Bordeaux
Sept 1-20: Vacation in Dambach-la-ville! Will see mom, chill out, and my cousin Joelle is getting married on Sept 9
Sept 20-25: Visit the Museum fuer Naturkunde in Berlin to study fossils (hopefully - am still trying to get this sorted out)
Sept 26-30: London to work at the Natural History Museum to study fossils
Oct 1-5: Johannesburg (University of the Witswatersrand) to study fossils
Oct 6-20: Bloemfontein/Florisbad to study fossils
Oct 21-Nov 21: Middle Stone Age excavation at Mossel Bay (where I was last year)
Nov 22: Return to DC, but will be MIA until Dec 1, when I defend my dissertation proposal
Being an anthropologist is feeling really good right now!!!
Monday, August 21, 2006
False Alarm
DISCLAIMER: Men - this is a pretty graphic post regarding the going-ons of a gynocological visit. If you don't want the details then know that everything is fine and stop reading here.
For those of you less faint at heart...I went to the gyn's office today for my test, and everything is fine. She talked to me more about the virus and said that the pap smear had shown that I had some abnormal cells (meaning the nuclear DNA was different than normal cells), and when the DNA was tested it showed that I had one of the strains of HPV that can lead to cervical cancer. The colposcopy today involved sticking a microscope up there to take a look at my cervix to determine if I had areas with clusters of pre-cancerous cells (they pour in an acidic solution like vinegar that turns all of the abnormal cells blue so that they are visible). Well, after poking around with the microscope for a good five minutes the gyn found nothing. Zip. Nada. So while I have some cells with abnormal nuclear DNA, they have not turned into pre-cancerous cells in my cervix. I have to go back in for another pap smear in six months to make sure that nothing has changed and monitor this for the next couple years.
So while I definitely have HPV, as of now it is a strain that has not caused any cells to become pre-cancerous, and chances are that my body will rid itself of the strain in a year or so, and I will be disease-free.
I will definately be getting the vaccine against HPV when I get back from my trip. It is called Gardasil and involves three shots over 6 months. It actually only protects you against 4 strains of HPV (there are close to 70 strains in all) BUT these four cause 70% of cervical cancer cases and 90% of genital warts. The vaccine is not yet available for men...it is currently undergoing tests and should be out in about a year.
For those of you who are sexually active (and for those of you with sexually active daughters), I would urge you to look into the vaccine...and make sure to keep up with your annual gyn visits!!!
For those of you less faint at heart...I went to the gyn's office today for my test, and everything is fine. She talked to me more about the virus and said that the pap smear had shown that I had some abnormal cells (meaning the nuclear DNA was different than normal cells), and when the DNA was tested it showed that I had one of the strains of HPV that can lead to cervical cancer. The colposcopy today involved sticking a microscope up there to take a look at my cervix to determine if I had areas with clusters of pre-cancerous cells (they pour in an acidic solution like vinegar that turns all of the abnormal cells blue so that they are visible). Well, after poking around with the microscope for a good five minutes the gyn found nothing. Zip. Nada. So while I have some cells with abnormal nuclear DNA, they have not turned into pre-cancerous cells in my cervix. I have to go back in for another pap smear in six months to make sure that nothing has changed and monitor this for the next couple years.
So while I definitely have HPV, as of now it is a strain that has not caused any cells to become pre-cancerous, and chances are that my body will rid itself of the strain in a year or so, and I will be disease-free.
I will definately be getting the vaccine against HPV when I get back from my trip. It is called Gardasil and involves three shots over 6 months. It actually only protects you against 4 strains of HPV (there are close to 70 strains in all) BUT these four cause 70% of cervical cancer cases and 90% of genital warts. The vaccine is not yet available for men...it is currently undergoing tests and should be out in about a year.
For those of you who are sexually active (and for those of you with sexually active daughters), I would urge you to look into the vaccine...and make sure to keep up with your annual gyn visits!!!
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Friendship
I've been feeling a bit down lately, partly because of everything that's been going on, as well as the stress of wrapping things up in DC and getting ready for my three-month trip. This means that I've been pretty low-energy, sleeping a lot, not socializing or reaching out to friends, and some days just having a hard time putting on clothes and getting out of my apartment.
I also haven't done yoga in ages. No motivation and/or desire :(
Anyway, tonight two VIPs (very important parties) were going on, one a good-bye party for some dear friends and another a b-day celebration for a dear friend as well. I threw on a dress, put some Madonna in the CD player, got into party mode and set out to party-hop. The good-bye party mostly consisted of my SWW girls and some other good friends in DC. Although our SWW book club/cocktail/dinner nights have fallen apart lately, the bonds between us are still there and going strong. I got a chance to spend time with one of my best friends in DC, catch up with a newer friend, and re-connect from the heart with someone I'd lost touch with lately. The b-day party was a little louder and wilder with many eclectic characters I hadn't met before, and though I didn't stay long, I felt enveloped by the love and support from my two best boys.
I've been tired of getting hurt and feeling so emotional lately. I know that I'm super-sensitive and an emotionally naked person, which is why I tend to get hurt, but lately I've been wondering if it's wiser to be more guarded about who I let in. Is this something that comes with age and experience, I've been wondering, that after getting burned so many times you start to hold people at a distance because you know better. However, connecting with my friends tonight, however brief some of those encounters were, touched my soul. Some people may close up because they don't want to re-experience what might have been emotionally difficult feelings. But for me, being open, and all of the feelings that come with that, is what makes life worth living.
I also haven't done yoga in ages. No motivation and/or desire :(
Anyway, tonight two VIPs (very important parties) were going on, one a good-bye party for some dear friends and another a b-day celebration for a dear friend as well. I threw on a dress, put some Madonna in the CD player, got into party mode and set out to party-hop. The good-bye party mostly consisted of my SWW girls and some other good friends in DC. Although our SWW book club/cocktail/dinner nights have fallen apart lately, the bonds between us are still there and going strong. I got a chance to spend time with one of my best friends in DC, catch up with a newer friend, and re-connect from the heart with someone I'd lost touch with lately. The b-day party was a little louder and wilder with many eclectic characters I hadn't met before, and though I didn't stay long, I felt enveloped by the love and support from my two best boys.
I've been tired of getting hurt and feeling so emotional lately. I know that I'm super-sensitive and an emotionally naked person, which is why I tend to get hurt, but lately I've been wondering if it's wiser to be more guarded about who I let in. Is this something that comes with age and experience, I've been wondering, that after getting burned so many times you start to hold people at a distance because you know better. However, connecting with my friends tonight, however brief some of those encounters were, touched my soul. Some people may close up because they don't want to re-experience what might have been emotionally difficult feelings. But for me, being open, and all of the feelings that come with that, is what makes life worth living.
Friday, August 18, 2006
HPV 101
There is an 80% infection history among the sexually active population.
A history of infection with one or more high-risk HPV types is believed to be a prerequisite for the development of cervical cancer; according to the American Cancer Society, women with no history of the virus do not develop this type of cancer. However, most HPV infections are cleared rapidly by the immune system and do not progress to cervical cancer. Because the process of transforming normal cervical cells into cancerous ones is slow, cancer occurs in people who have been infected with HPV for a long time, usually over a decade or more (Greenblatt, 2005; Sinal and Woods, 2005).
Although it has been proposed that HPV may induce other forms of cancer, including breast cancer, colorectal cancer and non-melanoma skin cancer, a causal relationship between HPV infection and these cancer types has not yet been firmly established.
Condoms offer at most a limited degree of protection against the initial transmission of HPV infections (Holmes 2004).
(From Wikipedia...not the most reliable source, I know, but I like it. Whatever.)
Prevention:
1. Ladies, get a yearly pap smear! Men can also get one to check for anal cancer.
2. There is a vaccine for christ's sake! "On June 8th, 2006, the FDA approved Gardasil, a prophylactic HPV vaccine developed by Merck. The vaccine protects women against initial infection with HPV types 16 and 18, which together cause 70 percent of cervical cancers. The vaccine also protects against HPV types 6 and 11, which cause 90 percent of genital warts. Women aged nine through twenty-six can be vaccinated."
3. "Ongoing research has suggested that several inexpensive chemicals might serve to block HPV transmission if applied to the genitals prior to sexual contact (Howett 2005). These candidate agents, which are known as topical microbicides, are currently undergoing clinical efficacy testing. A recent study indicates that some sexual lubricant brands that use a gelling agent called carrageenan can inhibit papillomavirus infection in vitro (Buck 2006). Clinical trials are needed to determine whether carrageenan-based sexual lubricant gels are effective for blocking the sexual transmission of HPVs in vivo."
4. Avoid smoking - "Tobacco smoking increases the risk of developing of invasive cervical cancer, as well as other HPV-induced cancers. Smoking decreases the ablility to absorb folic acid, and taking folic acid is a respected way of treating cervical dysplasia, an extremely common symptom of HPV."
Finally, one last tip...
"The fact that prostitutes have much higher rates of cervical cancer than nuns was a key early observation leading researchers to speculate about a causal link between sexually-transmitted HPVs and cervical cancer (zur Hausen 1994)."
Uh, okay. I'll head back to the convent now.
A history of infection with one or more high-risk HPV types is believed to be a prerequisite for the development of cervical cancer; according to the American Cancer Society, women with no history of the virus do not develop this type of cancer. However, most HPV infections are cleared rapidly by the immune system and do not progress to cervical cancer. Because the process of transforming normal cervical cells into cancerous ones is slow, cancer occurs in people who have been infected with HPV for a long time, usually over a decade or more (Greenblatt, 2005; Sinal and Woods, 2005).
Although it has been proposed that HPV may induce other forms of cancer, including breast cancer, colorectal cancer and non-melanoma skin cancer, a causal relationship between HPV infection and these cancer types has not yet been firmly established.
Condoms offer at most a limited degree of protection against the initial transmission of HPV infections (Holmes 2004).
(From Wikipedia...not the most reliable source, I know, but I like it. Whatever.)
Prevention:
1. Ladies, get a yearly pap smear! Men can also get one to check for anal cancer.
2. There is a vaccine for christ's sake! "On June 8th, 2006, the FDA approved Gardasil, a prophylactic HPV vaccine developed by Merck. The vaccine protects women against initial infection with HPV types 16 and 18, which together cause 70 percent of cervical cancers. The vaccine also protects against HPV types 6 and 11, which cause 90 percent of genital warts. Women aged nine through twenty-six can be vaccinated."
3. "Ongoing research has suggested that several inexpensive chemicals might serve to block HPV transmission if applied to the genitals prior to sexual contact (Howett 2005). These candidate agents, which are known as topical microbicides, are currently undergoing clinical efficacy testing. A recent study indicates that some sexual lubricant brands that use a gelling agent called carrageenan can inhibit papillomavirus infection in vitro (Buck 2006). Clinical trials are needed to determine whether carrageenan-based sexual lubricant gels are effective for blocking the sexual transmission of HPVs in vivo."
4. Avoid smoking - "Tobacco smoking increases the risk of developing of invasive cervical cancer, as well as other HPV-induced cancers. Smoking decreases the ablility to absorb folic acid, and taking folic acid is a respected way of treating cervical dysplasia, an extremely common symptom of HPV."
Finally, one last tip...
"The fact that prostitutes have much higher rates of cervical cancer than nuns was a key early observation leading researchers to speculate about a causal link between sexually-transmitted HPVs and cervical cancer (zur Hausen 1994)."
Uh, okay. I'll head back to the convent now.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
HPV
I am now a statistic.
On my way to NG today I received a phone call from my gyn's office to schedule a 'colposcopy.' At first I thought the nurse said 'colonoscopy' and that she had telephoned the wrong person. But it turns out that my last pap smear (which was done in July) tested positive for HPV, or human papillomavirus. This is an STD.
I was stunned. I am always extremely careful to use protection and could not believe that I had contracted something. Additionally, not only do I have a STD, but I tested positive for the 'high-risk' strain of HPV that can lead to cervical cancer. The test on Monday is to take a biopsy of the infected cells in my cervix to see if they are pre-cancerous.
So not only am I dealing with a) the fact that I now have an STD and b) that it might be pre-cancerous, but on Tuesday I am leaving the country for three months. The nurse said that if the test comes back positive, the virus is very slow-progressing and that waiting a couple of months will not be a big deal (if the test comes back positive, I'll need to have a minor surgical procedure where they will take out the cancerous cells from my cervix/uterus/wherever they hide).
I'm not too worried about the possibility of cancer for some reason. I talked with a wonderful friend today who has been through this experience and am feeling ok, at least less upset than I was this afternoon. But I am still stunned that I have contracted an STD despite all of the precautions that I take. HPV can be spread simply by contact, so using a condom is ineffective. Additionally, men are 'carriers' and do not show symptoms of the disease, nor can they even be tested for it. So the only way for a guy to know if he has it is if his partner becomes infected. But what is upsetting for me is that short of not being intimate with anyone, there is no way to protect yourself.
I don't know a lot yet about HPV...but will be looking into it more tonight and sharing what I find.
On my way to NG today I received a phone call from my gyn's office to schedule a 'colposcopy.' At first I thought the nurse said 'colonoscopy' and that she had telephoned the wrong person. But it turns out that my last pap smear (which was done in July) tested positive for HPV, or human papillomavirus. This is an STD.
I was stunned. I am always extremely careful to use protection and could not believe that I had contracted something. Additionally, not only do I have a STD, but I tested positive for the 'high-risk' strain of HPV that can lead to cervical cancer. The test on Monday is to take a biopsy of the infected cells in my cervix to see if they are pre-cancerous.
So not only am I dealing with a) the fact that I now have an STD and b) that it might be pre-cancerous, but on Tuesday I am leaving the country for three months. The nurse said that if the test comes back positive, the virus is very slow-progressing and that waiting a couple of months will not be a big deal (if the test comes back positive, I'll need to have a minor surgical procedure where they will take out the cancerous cells from my cervix/uterus/wherever they hide).
I'm not too worried about the possibility of cancer for some reason. I talked with a wonderful friend today who has been through this experience and am feeling ok, at least less upset than I was this afternoon. But I am still stunned that I have contracted an STD despite all of the precautions that I take. HPV can be spread simply by contact, so using a condom is ineffective. Additionally, men are 'carriers' and do not show symptoms of the disease, nor can they even be tested for it. So the only way for a guy to know if he has it is if his partner becomes infected. But what is upsetting for me is that short of not being intimate with anyone, there is no way to protect yourself.
I don't know a lot yet about HPV...but will be looking into it more tonight and sharing what I find.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Capital-T Truth
As my mentor and teacher Pegasus recently wrote to me,
"The interesting thing for me is to find the balance - or perhaps to see the thin (but infinitely deep) line between not taking it personally and hearing what is said, even when it may not be totally accurate."
When it comes to interpersonal relationships of all kinds - romantic, platonic, family, friends, co-workers - the hardest thing during a disagreement is to see where each person is coming from, and accept that that you may be approaching a common situation from wildly different angles, instead of pointing fingers or assigning blame. When two people care about each other enough to try and resolve a disagreement, it seems inevitable to try and reach a consensus of the "Truth" of what happened in a situation. But is agreeing on the capital-T Truth the goal of resolving these conflicts? What about acknowledging that each person has their own Truth that may not agree with yours? Who is to say which Truth is better or correct or more accurate? Or that the point of resolving a conflict is to agree on the Truth? Maybe resolving a conflict comes down to realizing that the other person has their own Truth, which may or may not coincide with yours, and to use this acceptance and understanding and knowledge to base your actions on and to move forward.
"The interesting thing for me is to find the balance - or perhaps to see the thin (but infinitely deep) line between not taking it personally and hearing what is said, even when it may not be totally accurate."
When it comes to interpersonal relationships of all kinds - romantic, platonic, family, friends, co-workers - the hardest thing during a disagreement is to see where each person is coming from, and accept that that you may be approaching a common situation from wildly different angles, instead of pointing fingers or assigning blame. When two people care about each other enough to try and resolve a disagreement, it seems inevitable to try and reach a consensus of the "Truth" of what happened in a situation. But is agreeing on the capital-T Truth the goal of resolving these conflicts? What about acknowledging that each person has their own Truth that may not agree with yours? Who is to say which Truth is better or correct or more accurate? Or that the point of resolving a conflict is to agree on the Truth? Maybe resolving a conflict comes down to realizing that the other person has their own Truth, which may or may not coincide with yours, and to use this acceptance and understanding and knowledge to base your actions on and to move forward.
Boundaries
"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. If you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side... is spectacular."
-Grey's Anatomy
Lately I've become taken with the show Grey's Anatomy. Partly it's equating the sense of urgency and madness and stress that the interns feel at the hospital with life as a graduate student (though the people I'm looking at are long dead); loving and loathing and unconditionally supporting your cohort of friends; feeling the need to prove yourself professionally when it feels like your personal life is a mess; or maybe it's the Dr. McDreamy that everyone has in their lives, someone whom you love and who loves you back but for whatever reasons, you can't be with.
But I digress.
Over the weekend I had a disagreement with a romantic partner that was intense and emotional and confusing and draining. It became clear that while he is a good, good person, we see our relationship differently and can't provide what the other person wants. After laying all my emotions on the table, which I have a tendency to do (and only recently have been able to see as courageous - thank you Peg :), I had nothing left. I was exhausted, drained, and numb. I put up what I thought was a healthy boundary (ie, I don't want this anymore, this isn't working out, I want you to leave right now so that I can start healing) and was labeled as being 'spiteful'.
When do boundaries become about protecting yourself at the expense of others? In yoga we talk about meeting our 'edge', the point at which you feel uncomfortable, and staying at your edge and being ok with the discomfort. It's only by confronting our edges that we are able to grow. Is putting up boundaries an act of self-preservation where you deny yourself the opportunity to step up to your edge and look it in the eye? How much consideration should you make of others when you are erecting boundaries you feel you need to protect yourself? What would Mother Theresa do?
Oh, that's right...she didn't get involved with men.
-Grey's Anatomy
Lately I've become taken with the show Grey's Anatomy. Partly it's equating the sense of urgency and madness and stress that the interns feel at the hospital with life as a graduate student (though the people I'm looking at are long dead); loving and loathing and unconditionally supporting your cohort of friends; feeling the need to prove yourself professionally when it feels like your personal life is a mess; or maybe it's the Dr. McDreamy that everyone has in their lives, someone whom you love and who loves you back but for whatever reasons, you can't be with.
But I digress.
Over the weekend I had a disagreement with a romantic partner that was intense and emotional and confusing and draining. It became clear that while he is a good, good person, we see our relationship differently and can't provide what the other person wants. After laying all my emotions on the table, which I have a tendency to do (and only recently have been able to see as courageous - thank you Peg :), I had nothing left. I was exhausted, drained, and numb. I put up what I thought was a healthy boundary (ie, I don't want this anymore, this isn't working out, I want you to leave right now so that I can start healing) and was labeled as being 'spiteful'.
When do boundaries become about protecting yourself at the expense of others? In yoga we talk about meeting our 'edge', the point at which you feel uncomfortable, and staying at your edge and being ok with the discomfort. It's only by confronting our edges that we are able to grow. Is putting up boundaries an act of self-preservation where you deny yourself the opportunity to step up to your edge and look it in the eye? How much consideration should you make of others when you are erecting boundaries you feel you need to protect yourself? What would Mother Theresa do?
Oh, that's right...she didn't get involved with men.
Teacher learns a lesson
Today was my last day of teaching a summer session college course - yea! I've enjoyed it but it's been a ton of work. I'll miss the students (they were really a great group) but I'm glad to have more of my time back.
I saw my class evaluations at the end of the day and was surprised that some were pretty negative. Two I was expecting from some disgruntled students - one who is a senior majoring in cultural anth but had a hard time getting excited about my class. She did pretty poorly on her quizzes and assignments, and on her evaluation said that the class was like a 7th grade science class where I had the students memorize lots of useless information and that my lectures were boring. Another student put in the minimum amount of effort into his assignments, and when I graded him accordingly he accused me one day after class of grading arbitrarily, even though I had provided the students with a grading rubric on the first day of class. On his eval he said that I graded unfairly and that he never knew what grade he was going to get on his assignments because I wasn't consistent in my grading.
A few negative reviews that I wasn't expecting came from students who seemed to like me a lot and who I bent over backwards to help (after teaching these kids for six weeks, I've learned to recognize their handwriting, and some of them I had let make up labs, turn in assignments late, take quizzes a day late, etc). A few said that I was disorganized and unprepared and inexperienced and boring and that the class should have been taught by a professor instead of a graduate student.
Most of my reviews were great but it is these negative ones that stick in my mind. I put in a lot of effort into making my lectures and assignments fun and interesting, and I'm left with the feeling that the students didn't even care. Why is it that I'm focused on these negative responses, instead of the majority of evals that were quite positive? I guess I expected to get glowing reviews from everyone, about how I was the best teacher, how I had made class so enjoyable and interesting. Why did I want everyone to like me so much? Why was I so attached to the idea of glowing evaluations that would confirm what a great teacher I think I am?
As I was muddling through this disappointment, a few thoughts came to mind. First, my responsibility as a teacher is to make sure that students learn from me, not that they like me. I need to accept that responsibility as a teacher and feel comfortable with it. I shouldn't put effort into a situation for the sole purpose of making others like me. And in fact, that's not what happened - I put in a lot of effort into my class lectures because I was preparing them the best way that I knew how, and in the most effective teaching style that I could think of, not because I wanted the students to be my friends. Second, I can't let outside perspectives influence how I feel about my worth - if I'm looking for external sources to reinforce my confidence, how I feel about myself, etc. then I am going to be disappointed again and again. Third, I shouldn't take it personally...I can take these comments into consideration as constructive criticism for when I teach again.
Fourth...it was a long, tiring summer session, especially since I was working at NG during the day. And my first time teaching a college course. Overall very successful, but I'm glad to have my weeknights back.
I saw my class evaluations at the end of the day and was surprised that some were pretty negative. Two I was expecting from some disgruntled students - one who is a senior majoring in cultural anth but had a hard time getting excited about my class. She did pretty poorly on her quizzes and assignments, and on her evaluation said that the class was like a 7th grade science class where I had the students memorize lots of useless information and that my lectures were boring. Another student put in the minimum amount of effort into his assignments, and when I graded him accordingly he accused me one day after class of grading arbitrarily, even though I had provided the students with a grading rubric on the first day of class. On his eval he said that I graded unfairly and that he never knew what grade he was going to get on his assignments because I wasn't consistent in my grading.
A few negative reviews that I wasn't expecting came from students who seemed to like me a lot and who I bent over backwards to help (after teaching these kids for six weeks, I've learned to recognize their handwriting, and some of them I had let make up labs, turn in assignments late, take quizzes a day late, etc). A few said that I was disorganized and unprepared and inexperienced and boring and that the class should have been taught by a professor instead of a graduate student.
Most of my reviews were great but it is these negative ones that stick in my mind. I put in a lot of effort into making my lectures and assignments fun and interesting, and I'm left with the feeling that the students didn't even care. Why is it that I'm focused on these negative responses, instead of the majority of evals that were quite positive? I guess I expected to get glowing reviews from everyone, about how I was the best teacher, how I had made class so enjoyable and interesting. Why did I want everyone to like me so much? Why was I so attached to the idea of glowing evaluations that would confirm what a great teacher I think I am?
As I was muddling through this disappointment, a few thoughts came to mind. First, my responsibility as a teacher is to make sure that students learn from me, not that they like me. I need to accept that responsibility as a teacher and feel comfortable with it. I shouldn't put effort into a situation for the sole purpose of making others like me. And in fact, that's not what happened - I put in a lot of effort into my class lectures because I was preparing them the best way that I knew how, and in the most effective teaching style that I could think of, not because I wanted the students to be my friends. Second, I can't let outside perspectives influence how I feel about my worth - if I'm looking for external sources to reinforce my confidence, how I feel about myself, etc. then I am going to be disappointed again and again. Third, I shouldn't take it personally...I can take these comments into consideration as constructive criticism for when I teach again.
Fourth...it was a long, tiring summer session, especially since I was working at NG during the day. And my first time teaching a college course. Overall very successful, but I'm glad to have my weeknights back.
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