Monday, February 12, 2007

What do you want?

Today in yoga class we focused on activating the third chakra, which represents our identity and personal power. It is physically located around the solar plexus and is the root of our creative energy, ideas, and intuition. The instructor began the class by asking 'What do you want in your life?' She encouraged us not to force any answers, but to simply use the poses and energy of the class to strengthen and open the third chakra to the possibilities of this question.

This is a question I struggle with often because, paradoxically, my life is so free. I literally feel like I can/could do anything I want. I have no attachments to living in DC or any other place in the world. I don't have the responsibilities of a family rooting me to a particular place. I am going to finish my PhD but I have to attachments to staying in the field of anthropology. My family and friends are scattered around the globe, and I am fortunate to form deep friendships wherever I go, so I have no attachments to living near any particular people.

So what do I want. I don't know. I have had this unsettling feeling for a while that my life right now is too small, too routine, too centered on a narrow set of things. I'm working on a grant proposal that would fund all of my dissertation data collection, doing a lot of yoga, and involved in a new relationship. Those three things seem to take up most of my time, if not my mental energy. I don't want to say that these things are not enough, but I don't feel complete, and I think it's because my focus right now is so small and other parts of my life have fallen by the wayside.

So what do I want? I don't know. But I am feeling a strong pull to meditate and open the scope of my imagination and explore what will lead me to have more a nourishing and fulfilling life.

I'm baaaaack!!!!!!

After a much-longer-than-intended blogging hiatus I'm back on the blogosphere and ready to go! A few quick updates: my whirlwind trip to Europe and Africa last fall was amazing. Just amazing. I met incredible people, went to awesome places and had great experiences all around. I was slightly worried about coming back to DC because I was on such a high from travelling and I thought the responsibilities of school, daily life, staying in one place, dealing with the cold weather, etc. would bring me down. I had a much better than expected few weeks and then things came crashing down around the holidays. Knowing myself, I was over-compensating about my fear of being back in DC and then was left running on empty. Things have evened out much more lately, with just a few bumps here and there, but I am looking forward to getting back to writing and sharing my life with you.

The day I got back from my trip (Thanksgiving) I wrote a list of everything I was greatful for about my trip. An brief excerpt:

1. How smoothly and safely my trip went
2. I had enough money to travel and got partly reimbursed
3. I found a reliable subletter
4. I kept a consistent yoga practice and my practice grew
5. I got a great tan and had "fun" on the beach in Mossel Bay
6. My face did not break out horribly
7. My back was pain-free
8. I learned a lot of lessons on this trip, especially regarding people and relationships
9. I gained new direction regarding my dissertation
10. I have a great external member for my diss committee
11. My committee was ok with delaying my proposal defense
12. I saw all the fossil collections I wanted to
13. I got to spend a night in Bordeaux at the house of a very famous anthropologist whose wife cooked an amazing (vegetarian) meal
14. I got to stay for free in London in a house full of cute boys!
15. I met up with my amazing gal-pal Theresa and her boyfriend Jesse in London
16. I met a cool group of students in Joberg who I ended up staying with as well (thanks Jayne!)
17. Being in France for Joelle and Ben's wedding
18. Meeting Jacqui and making a good friend in Florisbad
19. Meeting Elisabeth in Mossel Bay - a breath of fresh air!
20. Learning the archaeology GIS programs in Mossel Bay
21. Hope letting me sob and be crazy and hugging me while I let it all out
22. Hope bringing me cocktails while I was soaking in the bathtub
23. Andy being there for me and letting me cuddle when I needed a friend
24. All the museum staff who were incredibly helpful
25. Hanging out with all the cool girls in Mossel Bay
26. Meeting Kyle and forming a friendship
27. Jenny meeting my at my apartment when I got back to DC
28. Kevin channeling my energy that I was back in town
29. Ellie's letter waiting for me in the mail
30. And so many more things that I can't even begin to mention!