Astrological Reading

I was about to publish a post titled 'The year of hard knocks' that was basically another 'woe is me' post - Mike and I are broken up, I'm approaching the end of my dissertation, I've decided to leave DC but I don't know what I'm doing with my life.....all endings that are pretty hard to deal with. It made me think if my astrology session, which I haven't yet blogged about, so here we go. We talked about three main things during my session: the signs in my natal chart, the alignment of the planets in my natal chart, and future planetary transits.

There are three main signs in a chart: the sun, the ascendant, and the moon. The combination of these three signs (among other things) is what makes a person unique, and explains the difference among people of the same sun sign. My sun is in Cancer, my ascendant is Virgo and my moon sign is Aquarius.

I have always seen how I am very much a Cancer - sensitive, moody, empathetic, emotional, imaginative, caring, nurturing. The sun sign is your true nature, your heart, how the people who know you best see you. Cancer is said to be the most enigmatic of the signs due to the seeming contradictions - the need for closeness, the need for independence; the desire to nurture a home life, the desire to travel and seek adventure; the desire to care for, the desire to be cared for; a desire for stability, an initiator of change. Yes, yes, yes, all of that describes me. The ascendant sign is how you present yourself to the world, the first impression that people have of you. Virgo is meticulous, critical, detailed, orderly, caring, earthy, nurturing ('beautiful earth woman' is how she put it), a perfectionist, and finds meaning through serving others. Oh, and they are huge worriers. In many ways Cancer and Virgo reinforce many of the same traits. In fact, I read that their approach to change is a deep desire to seek safety where Cancer clings to the past and Virgo worries about the future. Virgos are also said to be the great synthesizers of the zodiac - focused on putting every piece into its place in order to understand the whole. My moon is in Aquarius. The moon sign describes how you approach your emotions. I've never understood how an Aquarian moon fits with my personality - because I am far from the typical Aquarian traits - but the astrologer said that this moon sign gives me a mental approach to my emotions, where I am able to step back and articulate how I am feeling.

The second aspect we talked about was the planetary alignment in my natal chart. This refers to how the planets were aligned at the time of your birth. There are a million things that I could go into but I will just touch on a few. A significant aspect is that Saturn and Mars are next to each other (conjunct) in my first house, which is interesting because they have different energies and are thus an unusual pairing. Saturn is about hard work, discipline and responsibility while Mars is about fire, passion and energy. Having them so close together means that if they are not working together they can cancel each other out - where Mars makes me want to express myself but Saturn holds me back. Managing these two energies is supposed to get easier as you get older and can allow you to use your energy in a very focused way. There are several signs that indicate the importance of my life path as an inner calling and that my career and relationships with others will need to relate to this for me to feel fulfilled. As with the sun signs, I have quite a bit of opposing energy in my chart that can help me to feel balanced and more whole if the energy is properly managed or can cause a lot of inner conflict if it is not in harmony.

And finally, we talked about my future planetary transits, or how the planets will align in my near future. It so happens that I have a very, very, very significant event coming up: Saturn Returns. This refers to the time when the planet Saturn returns to the place where it was when you were born. Saturn is the most slow-moving of the planets and it takes 28-30 years to fully circle your chart. Saturn represents the limitations in your life - which on first glance can sound restrictive, but this allows you to focus your energy and gives your life direction and meaning. The Saturn Returns event represents a hugely significant time in your life where you have already gone through the experiences that it takes to become an adult and where you consciously choose your life direction and take your place in the world. An interesting aspect in my chart is that Saturn is in the 1st house - the house of self, personal identity, new beginnings. Currently, and over the last few years, Saturn has been moving through my 12th house - the house that represents death, letting go, karmic energy, lessons learned. So as the astrologer put it, this a a 'double whammy' for me - not only am I experiencing the Saturn Returns event, but it is cycling through some major houses of karmic death and rebirth.

I am interested to hear if any of you experienced the effects of Saturn Returns around the age of 29......?

The day nothing went as planned

And that describes my Sunday. It started waking up with a cold, which I think I got either from the toxins swirling around my body after getting a massage yesterday or the fact that I've gotten to bed late and tipsy the past few nights and have not been using the neti pot. In any case, I have a summer cold. And I locked myself out of my apartment, so instead of doing what I had planned for the day you can guess how I spent the afternoon.

Over the past few days I've been realizing that mentally, I am already gone. The most important things for my trip are taken care of and I'm past the stress, and am feeling excited and happy to be traveling soon. This doesn't really fit with trying to be present and completely in the moment, but on the other hand traveling internationally for such a long time is a huge adjustment - different language, surroundings, people, food, customs, etc. So I've been justifying my mental state by saying that it's preparing me for my big trip. Well, the yoga gods had a chuckle over that one because today brought me back to the present with a big jolt.

I Heart Apple

I have a new MacBook and let me just say, wow. I was planning on spending time this weekend setting up my new laptop and transferring the files from my old one, but all I had to do was connect the two laptops and everything transferred automatically. Absolutely ridiculously easy. Almost frighteningly easy because I feel like the computer is way smarter than I am.

Oy vey

Ack! So much to do!!! Just booked my ticket to Kenya - it's a 20 hour flight. Yes, 20 HOURS. Am having trouble finding a place to stay in Berlin as once AGAIN, I will be there during the f****** marathonstrecke (Berlin marathon). Trying to track down obscure German paleontology articles from the 1930s and 1940s at the Smithsonian libraries. Trying to translate (mmm, that's ambitious - more like trying to understand) the ones that I do have (feels like a treasure hunt where all the clues (words) are floating around until finally they come together in a way that I can understand). Figuring out which research files I need to take to Berlin without having an entire suitcase full of paper that I will then have to drag around Europe. Writing Chapter 4 (yes, Chapter 4!!) of my dissertation. And my health insurance expires tomorrow, naturally. And I have a grant report due for a grant that I was awarded but have yet to receive the money for.

Oh, I'm SO looking forward to being in France and doing ridiculous things like lying in a meadow during the middle of the day, eating pastries for breakfast and drinking wine at noon, hiking in the forest until I find a quiet, sunny spot to read and eat some more pastries, picking blackberries and maybe raspberries and plums, and, most importantly, being disconnected from the internet and most other technology! Because who needs an iPhone when you're in a tiny village surrounded by vineyards?

'Life is a series of uncomfortable yoga poses'

I listened to a short talk by Darren Main yesterday (an amazing yoga teacher and writer whom I've quoted on this blog before) and he said something along the lines of the above quote. A typical Darren Main thing to say, as he's a funny guy who has a great way of conveying yogic principles in a humorous and accessible way. I went to a yoga class tonight and was focusing on breathing through a difficult pose when I thought of his words. My breath has been pretty shallow and strained lately, which is a direct reflection of the stress and worry in my mind. I'm definitely feeling the tension in my body, and one of the reasons I wanted to go to class tonight was to regain a sense of breathing deeply and fully. But why limit practicing breathing through difficult situations to 75 minutes a day? There's certainly ample opportunity for this in the non-yoga class parts of life.

Here's the link to Darren's talk - click on the 'play' icon and then 'yoga for stress'.
http://www.yourhealthconnection.com/topic/mmyoga

I also saw one of my friends who told me a funny story - we had seen each other on the street a few days ago and she was with a male friend. After we waved she told him that she knew me from the yoga studio. To which he responded, 'I can tell, she has a great a**.'

Clarification and Clarity

Let me clarify - I am too old to be teaching a night class that meets two hours a night, four days a week, filled with sprightly 19-21 year olds who are at the peak of their day instead of ready to have a drink and unwind like I am at 6pm. But the class is over and I received some very nice emails from a few students and certainly learned a lot from this teaching experience.

It was also really tough for me to teach on top of working on my dissertation and planning for my upcoming trip. A classic case of 'Catherine thinks she can carry three times her body weight' where I manage but barely. This weekend was the first since the month of MAY that I didn't have to prepare any lessons for the upcoming week.

I spent a lot of time this weekend meditating and doing yoga and am feeling SO much better than I have in the past few weeks. When, when, when will I learn that I have to keep up these practices daily? Because I really can't function at 100% if I don't. So, that is my goal for the upcoming two weeks as I get ready for my big trip. I'm feeling inspired and motivated about attaining whatever I feel so passionate about after watching the intense focus of my new boyfriend, who just won eight gold medals at the olympics.

'How can I just let you walk away...'

I heard this piece on the radio this morning and thought it was freakin' hilarious, the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. Girl goes through break-up, finds comfort in the sappiest of sappy songs, and talks to Phil Collins about it. Maybe you have to be getting over a break-up to fully appreciate it.....but if you're in the mood, click on the 'Full Episode' link on the left-hand side of the page, fast forward to 5 minutes, and listen to as much as you can take.

http://www.thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=339

I Am Too Old To Be Teaching A Night Class

And that's the name of that tune.

Uncommon Focus

From an article in today's Washington Post on the mental powers of Michael Phelps:

'Along with an unburdened mind and an uncommon focus comes a complete absence of fear.'

I'm leaving DC in three weeks for a three-month trip to Europe and Africa. I could use some uncommon focus as I'm daunted (uh, super scared and worried) by all that I need to do before I go. I'll just have to keep thinking of Michael Phelps, which really is not a bad thing to do.

Words of Wisdom From the Undergrad Crew

As a student pointed out in a homework assignment:

'It wasn't as though modern humans woke up one morning reciting poetry and painting their own Mona Lisa's.'

Yes, change usually happens slowly......sometimes very very slowly.


Addendum: Oh, my students say the funniest things. Since there's a lot of contradictory evidence in paleoanthropology (or, to be more precise, little evidence and a multitude of conflicting interpretations) I tend to phrase homework assignments and quiz questions along the lines of 'Given the evidence surrounding XX issue, which argument do you find most compelling and why?' I get lots of creative answers from the undergrad crew, to say the least.

Big Surprise

I submitted a dissertation completion schedule to my committee a few weeks ago and just received feedback from my chair. He thinks my timeline is a bit too ambitious and is urging me to consider graduating in February 2010, instead of July 2009 as I had planned. Not sure how I feel about that.

He did describe my dissertation research as 'interesting, complex and innovative' though.

From the Buddha

I was just looking out the window and remembered a conversation I had with my friend Kevin, aka Buddha, a few weeks ago when I was in the midst of my rough teaching experience. I was asking him all sorts of questions (which I don't even remember now, but probably along the lines of 'Why me, why is this happening to me') hoping to get a concrete response from the wise one that I could use to make sense of it all. Rather, he gently said, 'Maybe those aren't the questions you should be asking.'

Interesting to reflect on when we get so caught up in our own stories, so caught up in trying to understand them. Maybe those aren't the questions that we should be asking.

Through the Looking Glass

'A boat beneath a sunny sky,
Lingering onward dreamily
In an evening of July --

Long had paled that sunny sky:
Echoes fade and memories die.
Autumn frosts have slain July.

Still she haunts me, phantomwise,
Alice moving under skies
Never seen by waking eyes.

Dreaming as the days go by,
Dreaming as the summers die:

Ever drifting down the stream --
Lingering in the golden gleam --
Life, what is it but a dream?'

I left the yoga studio after 8 tonight and it was already getting dark as I made my way home. Seems like it was just yesterday that the long summer days stretched out in front of me and late into the evening. Now summer is coming to an end, in more ways than one.