Action Shots

A photographer came to my class last week to take pictures for the university - here's the link if you'd like to see me in action.

http://kevinallenphoto2.com/anthropology

Done!!!

I just submitted the final grades for my anthropology class. Off to go celebrate at the garden.

City Life, Country Mind

I'm feeling rejuvenated from my weekend in the country -- was at a house atop a hill overlooking a valley near Franklin, W. Va. It was beautiful and quiet and still and peaceful and I was in the company of good people. Went on some hikes, did some yoga, listened to Neil Young, but mostly let myself be enveloped by the stillness, vastness and openness of the surrounding valleys, fields and trees. Also started reading 'A New Earth' while sitting on a sunny rock in the middle of the forest, which was ridiculously perfect. Pics to come soon.

Kids these days

A student (Travis) sent me this email today:

Thanks for the help, I put the lab in your mailbox yesterday, see ya monday!
--travholla

Fine, polite, whatever. But can you imagine talking to one of your college professors so informally?? Many students send me emails with words spelled 'gotta, gonna' and that start out with 'Hey Catherine, what's up?'. Perhaps I'm an old fuddy-duddy, but it always surprises me when they write like this. Is it a generational thing - are younger people going to address their supervisors, bosses, like this too?

If I had more self-confidence, I would....

About a year ago I came across the idea of asking yourself this question when you're struggling or going through a rough time...and I have to say that EVERY SINGLE TIME my answer (the first one that comes to mind) has been exactly what I need to do. I don't always listen that closely and it can take time to actually do it, but the answer has always been spot on. And sometimes the answer is 'Nothing' when I'm happy and content and engaged with my life. It's an interesting exercise, one that I've found forces you to be honest with yourself (especially when you don't want to).

Ask and you shall receive

I'm completely burned out after a pretty challenging week, and last night I was thinking about how nice it will be to have this weekend to relax and renew...and was promptly asked if I was interested in a trip to a house in West Virginia with 'an indoor pool and hot tub and an amazing yoga studio.' This could not have come at a better time :)

'Be willing to die, so that you might live'

I read this line in a poem by Goethe a few days ago and it has really refreshed my perspective on change. Letting go is a form of death, but it allows for rebirth as well. This comes up in the garden all the time - pulling up plants that are nearing their end in order to sew seeds that will lead to new life. All very poignant for me right now as I struggle to loosen many attachments in my life.

Deep Breath

I had a student say something rather rude to me after class today regarding a quiz that I had just handed back. I stood there for a while in shock, and was strongly tempted to stop by ABP for a brownie and vanilla latte to make myself feel better. But I calmly walked back to my office, talked with one of my professors to get it off my chest, and am back at my desk ready to prepare my lesson for tomorrow. Though part of my ego is shrieking 'Those little f@%&*s, I don't want to spend the afternoon working for them", my inner voice is repeating the mantra "My job is to teach the students, not to have them like me" (see the very first post of this blog).

Garden Toddler

This morning I harvested pac choi, pulled up red lettuce plants, tilled and fertilized a 3x8 foot box plot, planted collard and mustard greens, seeded a half-dozen varieties of squash, and braided garlic.

Let me explain.

I've been volunteering at a local garden for the past few months that donates the harvest to not-so-well off members of the community. I love it for many reasons - I get to sit on the ground and get my hands dirty (reminds me of archeology), I'm learning a lot about plants and growing food, and I've met some great people outside of my usual circle of friends. I usually go during the week, which is nice because it's a small group of people and we kind of take a look around and do what needs doing. Which for me, usually means weeding (I love it, it indulges my perfectionist side) or thinning (mmm, I don't do so well with this kind of tough love) or desuckering (which we've decided is the greatest gardening term ever).

I also try to go on Saturday mornings if I get up early enough and I don't have other plans. I made it over today and it's a totally different atmosphere on the weekend - many more people, and tasks are written on a whiteboard so it's much more planned and a lot gets done. It also means that I end up doing a wider variety of things, like trying to figure out, with an elderly African-American woman who has lived in the neighborhood since 1952, how one braids garlic plants to hang and dry. Um, until very recently I didn't even know that garlic came in any other form than the flaky bulbs that you buy at the supermarket. I'm really enjoying learning in this community environment, and can't wait for the day when I can have my own garden that consists of more than herbs on my windowsill.

Fear

Fear. What a funny, strange, powerful thing. After a week of steady dissertation progress I've found myself at a standstill the past few days. Reflecting on the week, where I found out that my fellowship will end (for. good.) after July of next year, I realized that I didn't want to work on my diss because I'm afraid of what will happen when I finish. And if I don't work on it I won't finish, so I won't have to make any big decisions about where I want to live and apply for jobs, right? Ha! When I think about leaving DC one of the biggest things that holds me back is my beautiful, sunny, rent-controlled apartment in Dupont Circle. I'm afraid that if I move I won't find another place as nice as this, EVER. Uh, yeah, that's not silly at all. My number one reason for not wanting to end things with Mike was that I was terrified of what life would be like without our relationship, and now I'm happier with my life than I've ever been. Aargh! How often does fear hold you back without you realizing it? I'm ready to slap the sneaky bastard upside the head.

Hello Neighbor

My new neighbor, who is tall, nice, and oh so good-looking knocked on my door this evening to borrow my laundry card. We'd met in the elevator a few days ago and we talked in my entryway for a while.

Hello.

He's gay, like 98% of the cute and friendly guys in my neighborhood. His boyfriend was with him.

Heat Wave Ho-Hum

Not much going on here. The weather in DC is ridiculous. Unbelievably hot and muggy with occasional torrential downpours. Apparently it's even been foggy in the morning, though I'm not out early enough to see that. I'm spending a lot of time preparing for my class, trying to sleep enough and eat healthy, attempting (sometimes successfully) to meditate and stay centered. It's so easy to get distracted though, between the uncomfortableness of this heat and life's daily challenges (such as having a gas leak in my oven on a Sunday afternoon, the A/C in my office that's been broken for the past two weeks, students explaining why they missed the quiz yesterday and that they're happy to make it up whenever is convenient for me). Today I dealt with the challenges by coming home at 3pm, having a margarita and two big helpings of ice cream. Hmmmm, interesting choice. Well, I'm about to head off to Kevin's 8:00pm Yoga 2 class, which is always a good way to hit the re-set button.

Flexing my 'No' muscle

I have been saying 'No' all day. At times to other people, but mostly to my own mind. No, I am not going to take on that responsibility. No, I am not going to bend over backward to accommodate another person. No, I am not going to check my email every three minutes. No, I am not going to think that after work I can meet a friend for tea, stop by the farmers market, pick up some contact solution, and have enough time to cook dinner, grade papers, and prepare my lesson for tomorrow. And most importantly -- No, I am not going to worry about that. No, I am not going to think that thought. No, I am not going to let my mind wander off in that direction. No, I am not going to get sad or upset by that situation. No, I am not going to lose myself to the irritation I feel from another person's actions. No, I am not going to be distracted from what is in front of me.

It's about time I started working out again.

Wonder Woman

I secretly think I'm Wonder Woman. It's so secret that I usually forget about it, but my subconscious uses this belief as its guiding principle. I don't harbor illusions that I can fly or win street flights or look good running around in bikini bottoms. Rather, I believe that I am able to do an infinite and endless amount of anything and everything.

Then Wonder Woman crashes down to earth, flying straight into the ground in ruins.

I've spent part of the day feeling frustrated with my inability to do everything that I try to do and also believing, really believing, that I am capable of doing everything that I take on. I know that getting over this frustration isn't a matter of prioritizing or organizing or spending even more time working - it's a matter of setting boundaries, sticking to them, saying no, and not feeling bad about it. Recognizing that I've been speeding in the offramp lane to craziness and deciding to find the nearest onramp back to peace of mind.

SATC

Last night I saw the Sex and the City movie with some girlfriends and one brave boy. I loved it. Of course I'm not an objective viewer, and I can't objectively say whether it was an objectively good film, but that's not the point. The point was the talented writers and actresses and movie-people that created a real and emotional connection to the characters and their stories. Yeah, they had over-the-top sex and over-the-top fashion and unrealistic apartments and jobs. But they also had deep, solid friendships, and explored the realities of love - the good, the bad, and the perplexing in-between - in an unbelievably honest, realistic, un-sugarcoated way. In the TV series the girls each had strong, defining identities and personalities and spent the run of the show looking for true love and men who were strong enough to be by their side. At the end of the series, and in the film, they have each found the love they've always wanted and the men they've always dreamed of. The fantasy has been fulfilled, and then comes the reality of...did I sacrifice myself in the process of getting what I thought I always wanted? The four girls (or only three of them, really) struggle, each in their own way, with having found love and life with a partner but having lost much of themselves in the process. The main theme of the movie, in my mind, was finding the balance of a passionate relationship and building a life with another person while being passionately yourself and staying true to who you are. My favorite line from the film was:

'Don't give up who you are just because you're afraid.'

For those who never saw the show but assumed to know it from the title, or were put off from the snippets they did see, the excessive sex and fashion and glamor were never the point of the show, or what made women devotees of the series. The point was exploring and dealing with and thinking about life's hard, gritty questions in a way that didn't make you want to jump off a bridge. Two of of my favorite lines from the TV series are:

'I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.'

and

'The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.'