Fear

Fear. What a funny, strange, powerful thing. After a week of steady dissertation progress I've found myself at a standstill the past few days. Reflecting on the week, where I found out that my fellowship will end (for. good.) after July of next year, I realized that I didn't want to work on my diss because I'm afraid of what will happen when I finish. And if I don't work on it I won't finish, so I won't have to make any big decisions about where I want to live and apply for jobs, right? Ha! When I think about leaving DC one of the biggest things that holds me back is my beautiful, sunny, rent-controlled apartment in Dupont Circle. I'm afraid that if I move I won't find another place as nice as this, EVER. Uh, yeah, that's not silly at all. My number one reason for not wanting to end things with Mike was that I was terrified of what life would be like without our relationship, and now I'm happier with my life than I've ever been. Aargh! How often does fear hold you back without you realizing it? I'm ready to slap the sneaky bastard upside the head.