Letting Go, Again

I used to think that 'letting go' was like ripping off a band-aid: you just did it. Now I'm starting to see that it's more like untying a corset. It happens stitch by stitch, gradually getting looser, until it finally slips off.

I've been so sad the past few days, really feeling the pain of loss. So much makes me think of Mike and I'm sad about not having our relationship anymore, and that we can't even be in contact without getting über-upset. Last night I was flipping through a People magazine and came across a picture of a young Michael Douglas (who doesn't look anything like Mike, but anyway). Something about the bottom half of his face made me think about how Mike has looked at times during the past few months - utterly sad and defeated. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, much less on someone I love and care for so deeply. Meditating on this thought has made it easier to accept that our relationship is over, and that it's for the best. (Why it's so clear to not want anyone else to feel this way, but that I am willing to put up with feeling this way myself - I'm not sure what that means). But last night I had the best sleep that I've had in weeks.